About two years ago God called us to follow him and go serve at Gods Mountain Youth camp in Rushville, MO. So we had a huge garage sale and sold everything we had and loaded our three kiddos up and headed out. We moved in June 1st so we could be there for camp season. When I say we sold everything I mean everything!! We sold pretty well everything we owned including our second car to pay off debt. So here we were where God wanted us to be and the summer was fabulous!! I led a beautiful girl named Hannah to Christ and I met some wonderful people. Then winter came and it wasn't bad, but a bit more stressful. We were not payed staff, we raised support as a missionary would. Well our support wasnt cutting it so David had to get a job. Which meant he was at the camp less, so I had to take on his cleaning duties as well as my kitchen duties plus I was pregnant and puking all the time and homeschooling my other kiddos. I had a lot on my plate!! But We were following God and all was well or so we thought.
One beautiful April day we had a fabulous time as a family. We cleaned the camp together then planted our cute little square foot garden only to have our sunshine turn to a storm within minutes. We had a meeting with the camp directors. We thought we had been doing better and that we were getting everything done but they didn't feel the same way and after being there just under a year we were asked to leave.
I wanted to give up I felt like God had left us. I was 8 months pregnant and my baby who was to be born at home was due May 10th and we were supposed to be out by May 1st. I was depressed and basically cried for an entire month. I couldn't face the staff because I didn't want them to see me cry. I was an emotional wreck (remember I was 8 months pregnant and if you have been pregnant or know someone that has you know what that is like.) So I never left my house, except to go to church which I didnt want to do either but I did. During that terrible time in my life this song struck my heart.
Sometimes every one of us feels
Like we’ll never be healed
Sometimes
Sometimes every one of us aches
Like we’ll never be saved
Sometimes
I felt like I would never have faith again. I felt like God had abandoned me.
When we’ve given up
Let Your healing come
When there’s nothing left
Let Your healing come
‘Til we’re rising up
Let Your healing come
Where You go, we will follow
Where You go, we will follow
I Knew I was going to go, but was so confused because we followed you God Why are you leaving us? I wanted to give up on myself, on God and on all of my friends at Gods Mountain. I felt betrayed.
It’s Your love that we adore
It’s like a sea without a shore
We’re lost in You, we’re lost in You
It’s Your love that we adore
It’s like a sea without a shore
We’re lost in You, we’re lost in You
Sometimes
I loved God, But I didn't want to trust him. I felt so far from him but I knew he loved me.
And risk the ocean there’s only grace
Let’s risk the ocean there’s only grace
Let’s risk the ocean there’s only grace
Let’s risk the ocean there’s only grace
Today at church I heard a new song and ended this chapter in my life.
Standing on this mountain top
Looking just how far we’ve come
Knowing that for every step
You were with us
Now I can look back at the valley I was in and see just how far I have come. Not only in life but mostly in my faith
Kneeling on this battleground
Seeing just how much You've done
Knowing every victory
Was Your power in us
Seeing that this was Gods plan the whole time brings tears to my eyes. How could he do that for me? How could he have my life laid out and have a plan for me?
Scars and struggles on the way
But with joy our hearts can say
Yes, our hearts can say
Not to say there aren't scars, I have plenty. A lot happened in my life during that time. We had no home, and no one really wanted to take us in. I was alone or so I thought. God was there the whole time!!
Never once
Did we ever walk alone
Never once
Did You leave us on our own
You are faithful
God, You are faithful
He was faithful, even though I didn't think so at the time. I am ashamed to say that I had a part of my heart that wanted to say God didn't care about me.
Evermore
We are breathing in Your grace
Evermore we'll be
Breathing out Your praise
You are faithful
God You are faithful
He is so faithful, so loving, so kind. I pray that next time we get in the a valley I will remember that he brought me out last time and he will do it again.
Scars and struggles on the way
But with joy our hearts can say
Never once
Did we ever walk alone
There were days I felt alone and there were days I felt Gods presence. I know that I had struggles and I have scars. But I am joyous that he was there.
Carried by Your constant grace
Held within Your perfect peace
Never once
No we never walk alone
So in conclusion to this chapter in my life I would like to say Thank you God for the time spent serving you at God's Mountain. Thanks to the camp for allowing us to serve there. Thank you friends at the mountain. I am sorry if I hurt you during my last month there. and most importantly Thank you God for ending this chapter in my life and helping me move on to the plans you have for us now.
Like we’ll never be healed
Sometimes
Sometimes every one of us aches
Like we’ll never be saved
Sometimes
I felt like I would never have faith again. I felt like God had abandoned me.
When we’ve given up
Let Your healing come
When there’s nothing left
Let Your healing come
‘Til we’re rising up
Let Your healing come
Where You go, we will follow
Where You go, we will follow
I Knew I was going to go, but was so confused because we followed you God Why are you leaving us? I wanted to give up on myself, on God and on all of my friends at Gods Mountain. I felt betrayed.
It’s Your love that we adore
It’s like a sea without a shore
We’re lost in You, we’re lost in You
It’s Your love that we adore
It’s like a sea without a shore
We’re lost in You, we’re lost in You
Sometimes
I loved God, But I didn't want to trust him. I felt so far from him but I knew he loved me.
And risk the ocean there’s only grace
Let’s risk the ocean there’s only grace
Let’s risk the ocean there’s only grace
Let’s risk the ocean there’s only grace
Today at church I heard a new song and ended this chapter in my life.
Standing on this mountain top
Looking just how far we’ve come
Knowing that for every step
You were with us
Now I can look back at the valley I was in and see just how far I have come. Not only in life but mostly in my faith
Kneeling on this battleground
Seeing just how much You've done
Knowing every victory
Was Your power in us
Seeing that this was Gods plan the whole time brings tears to my eyes. How could he do that for me? How could he have my life laid out and have a plan for me?
Scars and struggles on the way
But with joy our hearts can say
Yes, our hearts can say
Not to say there aren't scars, I have plenty. A lot happened in my life during that time. We had no home, and no one really wanted to take us in. I was alone or so I thought. God was there the whole time!!
Never once
Did we ever walk alone
Never once
Did You leave us on our own
You are faithful
God, You are faithful
He was faithful, even though I didn't think so at the time. I am ashamed to say that I had a part of my heart that wanted to say God didn't care about me.
Evermore
We are breathing in Your grace
Evermore we'll be
Breathing out Your praise
You are faithful
God You are faithful
He is so faithful, so loving, so kind. I pray that next time we get in the a valley I will remember that he brought me out last time and he will do it again.
Scars and struggles on the way
But with joy our hearts can say
Never once
Did we ever walk alone
There were days I felt alone and there were days I felt Gods presence. I know that I had struggles and I have scars. But I am joyous that he was there.
Carried by Your constant grace
Held within Your perfect peace
Never once
No we never walk alone
So in conclusion to this chapter in my life I would like to say Thank you God for the time spent serving you at God's Mountain. Thanks to the camp for allowing us to serve there. Thank you friends at the mountain. I am sorry if I hurt you during my last month there. and most importantly Thank you God for ending this chapter in my life and helping me move on to the plans you have for us now.
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